dude, i TOTALLY can relate!!
all the geometry for my scene is done, animated and everything, and now i just want to run the water on it. I set up 3 big glu emitters last night, turned their LOD (level of detail) way down, and set it to calculate. woke up this morning to a big fat crash. I have been saving increments of my project, so nothing got corrupted, but i'm only gonna try one more time, then it's PFlow all the way. Even after I have a PFlow sim, i'll try to use the PWrapper.
If i go with pflow, i'll be sure to study Draper's tutorial in that recent issue of 3dworld where he simulated liquid with no plugins. i think he was doing some crazy Keep Apart stuff that's gonna make this just as long to calculate as a liquid sim.
i thought about trying out realflow, but it crashes just as much, if not more.
water is hard.
keep at it though! this is what seperates the pros from the amatuers!